Have you ever found yourself saying "yes" to something when every fiber of your being was screaming "no"? Maybe it was a request to bake 50 cupcakes for a school event, even though your schedule was already bursting at the seams. Or perhaps it was agreeing to host a family dinner when all you truly wanted was a quiet evening with a book and a cup of tea. Sound familiar?
For so many of us, especially women, saying "no" feels like a betrayal of who we are. We’re nurturers, helpers, and fixers by nature. It’s almost as if "no" has been programmed into us as a bad word—a selfish word. But here’s the truth: saying "no" doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you strong.
Why Saying No Feels So Hard
Let’s be honest—there’s guilt involved. We don’t want to let anyone down. We worry about being judged or seen as less capable, less giving, or even less kind. Many of my clients in counseling and coaching tell me they feel like they have to carry everyone else’s burdens. They feel obligated to stretch themselves thinner and thinner until there’s nothing left. But here’s the thing: when we’re constantly overcommitted, we’re actually not showing up as our best selves for anyone—least of all ourselves.
The Power of Boundaries
Boundaries are not walls. They’re not meant to keep people out but to protect what’s inside. Think of boundaries as the fences around your garden. Without them, weeds grow wild, and the flowers you’ve worked so hard to nurture get trampled. Boundaries allow you to prioritize what matters most—your mental health, your time, your energy, and your peace.
When you say "yes" to something that doesn’t align with your values or capacity, you’re essentially saying "no" to yourself. On the flip side, every time you say "no" to something that drains you, you’re saying "yes" to what truly matters—whether that’s rest, family time, or simply the space to breathe.
How to Say No Without the Guilt
Pause and Reflect: Before agreeing to anything, take a moment to ask yourself, "Is this something I genuinely want or have the capacity to do?" If the answer is no, give yourself permission to decline.
Be Honest but Kind: You don’t have to over-explain or justify your decision. A simple, "I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m unable to take this on right now," is enough.
Practice Makes Perfect: Saying no might feel uncomfortable at first, but like any skill, it gets easier with practice. Start small and gradually build your confidence.
Focus on the Bigger Picture: Remember that every "no" allows you to give your best "yes" to what truly matters. When you prioritize your well-being, you’re not only taking care of yourself but also ensuring you can show up fully for others.
Seek Support: If setting boundaries feels especially challenging, consider working with a counselor or coach. Sometimes, having someone guide you through the process can make all the difference.
A Personal Challenge
This week, I challenge you to say "no" to one thing that feels like an obligation rather than a joy. Maybe it’s declining an invitation to an event that you’re dreading. Maybe it’s setting a boundary with a loved one who always "needs" you at the expense of your own needs. Whatever it is, take that first step and notice how it feels.
You Deserve This
Remember, saying no isn’t about rejecting others—it’s about embracing yourself. It’s about honoring your limits and valuing your time and energy. And the beautiful thing is, when you start to set boundaries, you’ll find that the right people will respect them—and you—all the more.
You’re not here to pour from an empty cup, my friend. You’re here to thrive. So let’s make space for that, one heartfelt "no" at a time.
With love
Yvette
Commentaires